A kindred spirit in an old friend

Isn’t it strange how life goes?  A while back I was back in contact with a very good friend of mine that I hadn’t seen for almost 10 years.  Caught up with her a few times but last night I got a text asking if I fancied a chat later.

Firstly, you should all know, she knows nothing of my situation.  Why would she, after all I took years to tell my own family so I certainly wouldn’t have told her!  Anyway, I digress..

So what was the chat about, well it was an emotional one.  It is lovely that someone considers you worthy of enough to chat about their worries, and get your opinion.  The chat was about money, more so the financial hardship she was experiencing.  It was like hearing my own story, but a story I should have told.

The words about hardly having any money left, worried how she will support her children, living on the edge.  Words I know so very well.  For me, she chose the perfect person to speak to as I can offer my tips on making money last, how to increase your funds, all legally of course.  Simple methods..

But then, after we spoke for a while, I confessed my story.  Even though my debt and financial troubles eclipsed hers it still gave her a perspective that her situation isn’t a loss.  In fact, to me it sounds like a milestone I want to hit!   Yes, I know that sounds really odd, but her figure is way under mine!

Do you know what this highlights?  You feel so totally alone but, in reality, there are so many people in the same position.  It’s a shame there isn’t a big door somewhere that you can knock on, and when it opens you say “Hello everyone, I am really in trouble and I need someone to listen who won’t judge me”, and there are hundreds of people in the same boat.  Debt makes you feel so alone, it really does.

The problem is that so many doors are already closed before you try them, like banks and loan companies.  Perhaps the old friend getting in touch, and wanting to get advice on a similar problem is a sign to keep going.  A sign you can ask for help, and to invite people in.

Or, karma wise, if I have offered help then something good will come my way.  If I could afford a lottery ticket I would have bought one!

Mistakes, or bad decisions we will call them!

So, as the blog progresses we will move through the stages of the debt increase and the marriage failure.  But, there is still a time in any story where you hold your hands up and say “Yep, I made some blunders, and some were real belters”  This, my friends, is that time, and it is being done early!

Do you know what statement I hate?  apart from my bank statement obviously…this one – “with hindsight you wouldn’t have made those decisions”.  Well obviously…

So, I would like to state decisions I think were poorly made, that have ultimately contributed to this ongoing nightmare.

1. Taking on my own accounts

now, I will take the blame for this BUT not 100%.  The error here was the speed I did not employ an accountant (although that also backfired a little, we will discuss this later in a different post).  When I went self employed it was not by choice, it was the first decent role that came up in IT in 2004.  It happened to be contracting, and it went very well as I was placed there by an umbrella company.   I got a few new contracts and was earning excellent money, and then agencies and employers didn’t want to use Umbrella Companies any more.  So, instead of getting an accountant I thought I could do it myself, despite having no qualifications at all and failing GCSE maths, twice, with a D.  By the time I realised I hadn’t left enough in the account for different bills, I was already in trouble. 

2. Buying Cat C and Cat D cars

so, my luck with cars is appalling.  I am on car number 28 now, they either die or get written off.   I needed a new car one year but couldn’t afford one, then I found out about cat c and cat d cars!  Well….my eyes opened.  I could get newer cars with ‘minimal damage’.  My plan, to buy one of these for very little and pay for the repair, giving me a saucy new car for 50% under the price.  There are two flaws, 1) it costs more than you think to repair* and 2) you can’t sell it on afterwards.  It would have been cheaper to get a finance agreement, the interest would have been higher but in the long run it would have cost less.

* see number 3 for further info

3. Trusting the family mechanic

My wife had an affair with the family mechanic, quite when it started is still up for debate.  However, there came a point where my car would break down every month, or when I picked it up it had to go straight back in. After a while, my wife was taking the money straight to him and picking up/dropping off the cars.  You can see the picture can’t you?  I should have worked that one out a while ago.  Why the mistake here, well I suspect some of the repairs were not necessary or created for me to return (or her to return) and the bigger one, and a brilliant piece of advice I got but ignored “a shoulder to cry on becomes a c0ck to ride on”.  It appears that is the case.  Number 2 and 3 link to debt and divorce.

4. Marriage

It was a gamble, based on prior history.  But, I did love her so I can’t say it was a total mistake, more of a gamble I lost.  The mistake here was the wedding cost 28K.  Yes, that was not a typo, it was 28K.   I could cover a lot of it, but this is when I started using my overdraft.  I am still in it 5 years later.

5. Working shifts

On paper,brilliant.   week off every 3 weeks, nights, days etc.  The summary, more time at home with my family.  The drawback, you miss half the month and you get half the pay.  I can directly link some of my first major missed HMRC payments to taking a contract shift role.

So there you go, probably made other poor decisions.  But these 5 are my main ones.

the cause of 90% of my debt

Ah the HMRC, the most unsympathetic entity in existence.  “Having issues sir?”, “can’t pay on time sir” etc.  Oh we understand, but here is a 10-15% fine just to say we understand.   So take your late payment, and add your fine, then your daily interest and so your debt begins.

Can’t pay on time must of been my fault you say?  and people have said that, however…remember life doesn’t run easily, sometimes things happen externally.   Don’t be too quick to judge me, I have paid back an enormously large amount of money but will I ever catch up?  Yes…but I have had to drastically change my job and life.

The moral here, never ever build up a debt with HMRC, as it suddenly spirals out of control.

We will explore further the debt, and how it links in to being a single parent.  The struggle, and the opinions of different people.

My first blog

Why did I start this blog? 

well…this is not where my life is meant to be.  Divorced and hopelessly drowning in debt.  How did this happen?, well I will explain over the coming time we have together.  The divorce is probably irrelevant but how my debt built up isn’t. These are my (futile) attempts to clear it, and the numerous close shaves with bankruptcy.  Which may still happen by the way.

I will not give my name, so let’s go with Mr Unhappy.